How IFS Therapy is Changing My Life

Do you ever feel like you’re one person who wants two completely different, possibly irrational things?

And that’s if you’re lucky.

Since getting sober (day 124) and starting IFS therapy about three months ago, life has finally felt a little more real. It all started — well it’s too long of a story for right now. You can read my AA qualification and drinking story later.

There’s nothing more alarming than feeling like an army lives inside your head taking on the voices of people you know, relatives, teachers, and code names in the form of numbers.

I mean really, really super alarming.

I’ve cracked the normal mold of existence a while ago when I began researching the Illuminati and Free Masonry after watching a video about the Denver Airport for fun and game in high school. It was fun at first and then an intertwined path of partying, over working, and constant exhaustion escalated to using psychedelics and MDMA to follow mystical phenomenons down the rabbit hole and begin to experience them myself.

I have taken hypothetical master courses in this illusive space and have completed a yoga teacher training with a shaman, Reiki Mastery Holy Fire Levels I and II, and developed a broad knowledge of intuitive healing. I can communicate with spirit guides and to be honest not all of it is hoopla. I can occasionally, telepathically tell what people are thinking, feeling their “aura”, read tarot (new one), and lead you through a transformationally healing breath work session.

Some schools of psychology would approach this as multiple personality disorder and or schizophrenia — and perhaps on paper it is. I believe it’s more along the lines of tapping into our innate human gifts by using ancient technology (yogic practice, meditation, and breath work) to activate and enhance my siddhis (or yoga superpowers if you will).All that being said, it’s hard to know which voices are spirit guides, dead people, the guy next to you on the subway, or a hundred Instagram followers thinking I should have posted the same cup of coffee or tiny ‘tini from the cutest spot in town instead of the gruesome innards of my devote healing journey. And all that’s to say my actual thoughts are somewhere in the mix too.

Enter IFS therapy…

In 2022 I discovered me — there are two main inner parts in my being- one I call Todd and the other I call “little peep” — Unrelated to the late rapper lil peep. Just a tiny sweet heart angel inner child.

Todd runs my addicitons. He wants to be fueled up to work as hard and as fast as possible because he’s scared time is running out and doesn’t love it here without something long gone from the past.

He can get vicious and scream in my head instead of letting Little Peep feel hurt. Todd pushes the panic button and fires off one thousand insults about the other person (in my head) as a protection mechanism.

That being said, it’s a bit overwhelming and I do not want to think so negatively — not to mention I still need to have a day job to make rent in NYC. Relating to people used to feel so hard in my cells. I would get physically shook when faced with conflict. Trauma lives in the body and recreates familiar patterns until we heal from the past and integrate the lesson our soul needs to learn to escape this ~level~ of reality. I believe in Samsara, the endless cycles of life death and rebirth until we reach enlightenment- and that enlightenment and ascension are tied to over coming repeating obstacles and reaching Samadi, nirvana, heaven.

I’ve taken this so far it’s cost me a traditional life and rewarded me with the sweet freedom of believing in the possibility of manifesting my wildest dreams. (Maybe suburban life is your thing all the more power to you too!)

How to reach true soul happy and content on this plane right here, right now, freedom? No asking for it, just thinking about what’s blocking me, checking in with my parts, diluting the energy triggered in the pain body and acting on the answers that I feel, see, and “know” through meditation to reach the holy grail of a life without holding myself back. Or at least being able to consciously understand why I am stopping myself from putting one foot in front of the other and going for what I want.

Dr. Dick Schwartz has found IFS Therapy (Internal Family Systems Therapy) effective for virtually resolving everything from serve eating disorders to self harm and even just common anxiety.

I think one of the most accurate portrayals of the results of an effective session is the body feeling calm and relaxed like you’ve been in a deep therapeutic meditation session for an hour.

The concept is centered around the theory that our psych forms protective barriers of formative behavioral patterns triggered by recurring situations to protect our inner most innocent essence. Think of a family structure (something traditionally portrayed like) — The Dad, stern and discipline, a mother helping but potentially hurting who the child is by not accepting their sexuality, a mean bully of a brother, and maybe some cousins who try to make the kid feel cool again. And then there can be all sorts of other characters in the mix, a common one, the firefighter, busts through the whole crowd to revert back to an addiction or using self harm to cancel out the innocence of the soul from being squandered.

Think of someone (me) about to study for a test I don’t want to study for because it doesn’t sound fun. The fireman (my copping mechanism) jumps in to cut through the building anxiety and provide an emergency shortcut (Adderal) through the fire to the safety of a passing grade in college.

This becomes a default setting when triggered with amounting pressure in other situation and whenever else faced with something the soul doesn’t want to go through- not to mention the physical addiction of stimulants (stimu-lattes).

The goal of IFS is the regulate the activation of parts through understanding what is triggering the part, where it stemmed from, and help coach/direct/listen to/ or support the form the energetic mutation has picked up and personified as, as a barrier of protection.

Thanks for reading!

More to come on this later.

Safely, soberly, Samsara ❤

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