The Trap of Negative Thinking

You are your harshest critic

I heard this all the time growing up, mostly given this statement as some sort of wound curer when I was too harsh on myself. There was a time during my life where I can recall hearing this weekly. It was weeks before a comedy project entitled Two Chairs and A Piece of Wood that I helped create with some best pals debuted. I spent those weeks leading up to it an anxious mess, worrying about how it would go, obsessing about people’s reactions. Every time someone asked me about it I would give the same response, I am worried people won’t think it's funny to which I would receive the classic You are your harshest critic.

Now my worries of this show totally sucking butts wasn’t this cute humble trait of mine that drives the ladies wild. It was years and years of negative thinking that was instilled in me.

I’ve struggled a lot with being kind to myself. Probably my fatal flaw. Although when it comes to the world and humanity I love to think that I’m optimistic in people. However, when it comes to myself I tend to lean to the negative side of things

This is a story, all about how my brain got flipped turn upside down, I like to take a minute to write just hear, tell about the story about how I’ve became the fresh prince of Depressed-air.

Will Smith Reference: Check.

I had this saying growing up. It usually would pop into my mind whenever I felt like I had wronged someone, made a mistake or just a generally oopsie. The phrase was: No one can hate you more than you hate yourself.

It comes across as very mean..I get that. God knows it sounds mean. For me, it was just a gentle reminder.

Sometime throughout high school, I experienced tragedy for the first time. With this tragedy, the world of depression opened its arms. Since then I always had this fear of not being liked. It stuck with me for some odd reason. Maybe it was growing up and finding out that some people will just not like me. That thought would often send me in depression spirals.

Since then the simple mistakes or wrongdoings get to me. I could walk into a building and find myself in that awkward range of Do I hold this door or not. If I make the wrong choice I simply declare myself as Mayor of Most-Hated-Ville. If I had to cancel plans last minute I felt as if they would have similar feelings towards me as if I had just murdered their pet.

It’s crazy how my brain works sometimes. The simplest mistakes could throw me downhill.

This phrase was developed in my mind as a way to combat this. I would say this just to remind myself that others can be upset with me and it is not the end of the world.

Harsh phrasing for such a simple reminder. I didn’t know any better. I didn’t know the trap of negative thinking.

You know that scene from Evan Almighty (a very deep reference that I believe everyone still remembers). No..just a reference that I get…

Let me try a different (obscure) metaphor to help paint a better picture.

An astronaut on the moon is bouncing around in their space suit and from all the physical activity begins to get sweaty. They decide to poke a small hole in the suit to let some air in. THEN THE SHIT HITS THE COSMIC FAN.

The point I’m trying to make is that negative thinking works similar to this.

We start out with a small phrase, one that we think is very innocent. We might say it once in a while. We don’t believe it is harmful but we start teaching ourselves that it is okay to talk to ourselves this way.

If I were to call you a Booger Butt..you would probably let it slide, it's pretty harmless. Next time I get away with crap pants.. it starts to hit you a little harder but you already let me get away with Booger Butt. Next thing you know I am calling you a MFPOSSOBAH (An acronym you can fill in) and there ain’t nothing you can do about it.

As we continue to think negatively, soon it begins to take over. What was first just a gentle reminder to ourselves soon becomes a negative outlook on everything.

I used to think the sky was the limit for me, that they would have to think of a title higher than President of the World because I was clearly heading that way. But now I have so much self-doubt I could build a self-doubt hotel.

We are told at a very young age that if we don’t have anything nice to say we shouldn’t say anything.

Sadly our minds sometimes work in the opposite way.

We are so quick to criticize our work, poke fun at our faults and constantly complain about our bodies. When we do this we tell our minds that it is okay to speak to ourselves like this. We start to forget what positive sounds like.

I’ve been working on trying to switch my instincts to voice my positive thoughts more than the negative ones. The truth of the matter is is that it is extremely difficult. It’s like using your right hand for so many years and now trying to switch to your left. It’s probably going to take a long while.

This cute saying You are your harshest critic truly isn’t a cute look. We should be our own biggest supports. We should look to see the good in ourselves and what we do first.

It is the years of negative thinking that sometimes trap us in a rut. It’s one subtle thought that turns ourselves against ourselves. Like a real messed up episode of Black Mirror.

I wish I knew the answer to fix this or tips and tools to help. The truth is I am still practicing positive thinking.

Continue doing your best. Continue being nice to yourself. Know that the words you say to yourself sometimes aren’t true. Know that the work you do is truly amazing because it is done by you.

XOXO

Gossip Boy

Related posts:

Folklore reminds us that you should only kiss your loved one when Gorse is in bloom. Luckily for any would-be suiter, different species of gorse bloom throughout the year. To keep kissing in season…

I have been using Figma for over 2 years now. I never really enjoyed Sketch, all those plugins and problems after updating them, saving several versions and to work collaborative was a headache. So…

For the team of the cryptocurrency project Grin, a large donation of 50 Bitcoin(BTC) was made (about $430,000 at current Bitcoin price). Read the full Bitcoin news story here.